Must See T.V.

You must see Downtown Girls, a documentary that comes on HBO. You must see Barbie-Q.

Crazy.

Downtown Girls

AHHH shit.... I went and did it.

I'm not going to sit here and pretend to be an expert on religion or even try to act like I have the vocabulary to explain what I think of the whole god vs. No god argument. What I think is simple - you either believe or you don't. If you are a person that relies entirely on science to explain the world and life and everything else then that's fine. You not only have the right to feel that way, it is probably a good way to look at things. There is absolutely nothing wrong with believing in facts and facts alone. Anyone that would argue against setting your beliefs based on hard scientific evidence of how things came to be is simply scared of the truth. That's a big word that doesn't get used often enough in this argument. Science = Truth. There is no way around that. For that reason, I understand Atheism and respect those people. I think it is absolutely silly to right off someone who doesn't believe in God as someone who lacks passion or is lacking faith. They just put their faith in science.

But, and this is a big but, it is a bad idea and even a little wrong to tell someone that they are wrong for having faith in something that they can't see or prove exists. I personals think that religion is comparable to a gun - It can be used for good and usually it will be used for good, but, for the most part, it is the cause of so many problems.

See, here is where I am stuck in the middle of the road.

I hate religion, especially Christianity because there is no group, in my experience, that is more hypocritical...and I don't mean all Christian people...I mean the people that lead Christian churches and the people that go out into the world and try to push it onto everyone else.... but I love God and believe in him.

I think it is absolutely horrible to see someone take their kid that has some sort of terminal disease to sites where alleged miracles happened expecting their own miracle...and putting all of their faith and belief into the idea they will get one.......but at the same time I believe that miracles do happen.

I do think, though, that religion does serve a purpose. I think that it is wonderful that people can go to a place and feel like they belong...that they are sharing something special with people. And if that gives them the strength to make it through another day and be a productive person then I am all for it....The problem is that too often they use the word faith as a synonym for the word fact. I understand that in order to believe in God you have to have faith....but when someone is approaching life and the universe from a factual stand point you can't just say something like "it is because god said it is." well, ok, that's cool if you want to believe that, but seriously.... no one on this planet has ever really heard god's voice. no one has ever really gotten a hand written note from god. Again, I BELIEVE IN GOD. I have faith... but, I don't blame or condemn those that don't.

Was Jesus the only son of god? Well, in most churches we are taught that we are all god's children. So no, I don't believe that he was the literal son of god. In fact, if you want to use logic in decoding the whole story of Jesus it isn't as supernatural as it was made out to be. Was he put into Mary's womb by God? Probably not... He was probably the product of premarital sex and written off as an immaculate conception. Was he actually able to make blind people see? Well, if you are naive enough to take the bible literally, then yeah....but maybe that was just a prettier way of saying,"he made people who were lost and had no faith find their way and believe again."
Did he make people rise from the dead? Well, again, if you take the bible word for word as truth then yeah...but it was probably just a poetic way of saying that he brought people who felt there was nothing else to live for back to feeling like life was good. That there was something to believe in. The bible was written in a language that doesn't exist anymore (Aramaic), translated into another language that doesn't exist anymore (Latin), and into dialects that aren't used anymore up to modern English and all other languages. Men did the writing and the translating. You ever play that game telephonbe in elementary school where the teacher lines you all up at the front of the class in a straight line, whispers something into the first kids ear, that kids passes it on and so on until it gets to the last kid....It never ends up what it started as. I'm sorry, but if its like that over minutes in one language....2000 years......many languages.....c'mon.

I believe he existed. I believe he was every bit the amazing man the bible made him out to be - but I don't think he was a heavenly being. I don't think he was anything more than a man. The things he said and did were no different than Martin Luther King. MLK wanted his people to be treated equally. He was against violence and told his people to turn the other cheek. He went against what was accepted as just the way things were as far as segregation and other racist things. He made some white people understand....he also divided our government. Half thought he was crazy and dangerous and the other half were glad he was saying what no one else had the balls to say. They both knew that they would die one day for not only believing what they believed but for talking about it. I'm not saying that MLK was the second coming...but they were the same kind of people, they just lived at different times. You put MLK back in Jesus' time and vice versa, you will probably get the same result. They would probably both be killed. Now, if Christians don't think that MLK was the second coming, in fact, they probably think I am crazy for making the comparison....they can't say that Jesus was the "messiah".

If you think about it from a scientific point of view....people should have way more faith in MLK than Jesus. There was television, radio, and accurate records of his speeches and his actions. We know who he was and what he did. There is no disputing that.All we have to go by as far as Jesus goes is what someone wrote, I think, no fewer than fifty to one hundred years after Jesus had been crucified.

AGAIN, I BELIEVE in GOD. I am simply bringing up questions that I think are reasonable.

You can make the argument that Christianity isn't something you can do alone and I agree. Christianity is a religion and religions are celebrated in large groups...spirituality, on the other hand, is a different story. That is about as individual a concept as you can find. God is to YOU what he is to YOU and he is to ME what he is to ME. You can't get any closer to God than I can. I can't get any closer to God than you can. An atheist is no more wrong than you are right. You, ultimately, decide what is good for you. That is how God wanted it.

My day at Fenway

I tried my hardest to not blog about this but I have to. Last weekend was the best I had in many a millennia. I WENT TO FENWAY PARK FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE! I know a lot of people don't get the whole sports thing and think they are about as significant as the paper I wiped my butt with this afternoon when I pooped, but there is something about being there.

I've been to pro sports games before. I have been to a few Marlins games and Dolphins games and even the Carolina Hurricanes, but the Red Sox have eluded me for years. Mostly because my parents were never interested in going to see them but also because we never had the money. But a really cool chick in Mass hooked Amy and I up...fo'reeeeeeeel. She got some free tickets and let us take two.

Fenway is a beautiful place. I'm sure even a Yankees fan can appreciate the history that has gone down in that place, and there is a lot. Fenway looks today much like it did in the early part of the 20th century. that blows my mind. The seats we sat in are original. Been there the whole time. The whole time I was sitting there I was wondering how many people sat in that seat before me? What were the people wearing? Turn of the century garb probably.......damn. We sat in section 17, if you were wondering.

Fenway Pahk:

This picture is from our seats

This picture is from the tour when we were on the green mawnstuh

This picture is from the 406 clubhouse

What can I say...It was one of the better experiences of my life.

peace.

That's Life

Most people try to live their lives living the best they can. In fact, according to the Humanistic Theory (psychology) developed by Abraham Maslow and later expanded on by Carl Rodgers, once our needs on one level of our development are met we then try for the next level. These levels are from bottom to top:

1. Basic Psychological needs - nourishment, shelter, and sex.
2. Safety needs - security, defensibility
3. Affiliation needs - love, belonging, friendship
4. Esteem needs - achievement, importance
5. Self Actualization

Now, when we reach self actualization we are supposed to feel the overwhelming need to give back. On top of that, throughout this whole process we are supposed to want to be the best people we can be as long as these needs are met. Now, I know that most people try to be good. Even those people that do tell little white lies and steal a candy bar every now and then. Where do you draw the line though? See, I was thinking to myself today about the people I know and the people I consider to be in my "inner circle" and the saddest thing came to me...I don't trust most of them. Actually, I don't trust 99% of them. My reasons for this vary and I feel that they are legitimate reasons. Most I don't trust because they are self-absorbed. Some I don't trust because they have loose lips, and we all know what they do. Others I don't trust because they have given me an abundance of reasons to not trust them by doing a cornucopia of evil things to me. This doesn't mean I don't like them though. Sometimes I absolutely need them around, but most of the time I'm fine with them doing their thing and me doing mine. The craziest thing is that there are people that are outside of my "inner circle" that I would probably be way more willing to trust than people I have known for ten years. Its wierd. I don't get it. Anyways, since I learned this theory, I have been thinking about the way I interact with my friends or people that one would consider a mere acquaintance. I must appear to people to be the one of the wierdest dudes on the planet. Yeah, I think so. I don't try to be. In fact, I try my best to be warm and understanding to everyone equally. I think I treat my friends with a certain respect that I rarely ever get in return...Before you think I am crying about it, hold on...(bite of an apple)....I truly don't expect anything in return for the things I do for people....From the offers to help them move to the offers to fly where they are when they find out their kid is dying, I do this out of love. I do this because I care. So, if you refer back to the info. I provided for you about the humanistic theory you'll see that love, belonging, and friendship are critical to our growth. So, if one feels that they aren't getting that can they still get to the next level if they keep giving? I don't know. That's part of the whole thing that I don't understand. I feel pretty comfortable with who I am at 28, but I don't know that I am completely comfortable with the company I keep. They are, deep....deeeeeep down good people, but I think it says something that people that have come into my life in the past year are much more fun to be around and I look forward to seeing them more than the people I have know for 5 to 10 years. Now, in case any of them stumble upon this (doubt that) they need to know that there are a few I couldn't live without. One, the little sister I never had another the older brother I never had...Actually there are three of those, but the rest are just filler. There are other people, though. The ones that have kinda been coming around like Halley's Comet for the past year. People that just moved here that I really like and think are really cool. Hopefully they will become people I know for many years to come. I guess, in the end, I am still trying to figure out who I am and what I want. It just sucks that every time I feel I have reached a point where I completely know me and all that stuff, I lose it...That makes me stress about shit like I just wrote about. Maybe Frankie did say it best in the song That's Life:

That's life, that's what all the people say.

You're riding high in April,

Shot down in May

But I know I'm gonna change that tune,

When I'm back on top, back on top in June.

I said that's life, and as funny as it may seem

Some people get their kicks,Stompin' on a dream

But I don't let it, let it get me down,

'Cause this fine ol' world it keeps spinning around

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king.

I've been up and down and over and out

And I know one thing:Each time I find myself, flat on my face,

I pick myself up and get back in the race.

That's life I tell ya, I can't deny it,

I thought of quitting baby, But my heart just ain't gonna buy it.

And if I didn't think it was worth one single try,

I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king.

I've been up and down and over and out

And I know one thing:Each time I find myself laying flat on my face,

I just pick myself up and get back in the race

That's life and I can't deny it

Many times I thought of cutting out But my heart won't buy it

But if there's nothing shakin' come this here July

I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die

My, My

no freaking kidding Frank. Man, just listening to that makes me feel better. Done*

iron guts

my parents went to new bedford, ma. last week to visit my frickin 'uge family and brought back some of my favorite foods...they brought some linguica, some chourico, some portuguese rolls, and portuguese wines. all genuine portuguese stuff by the way...none of that fake fresh market stuff. my mom made some of her chourico sandwiches. she takes the chourico (its a spicey sausage) and grinds it up, then she takes a potato and mashes it, throws in some butter to make it stick all together and the puts it on a portuguese roll. the stuff is good. it sucks that we cant get that stuff down here because when ever i get my hands on some i go nuts. i ate two of those bad boys yesterday, and they are huge, and i had bubble guts all day yesterday and today. i asked amy if the sandwich she had bothered her but she said she had iron guts and that nothing bothers her...whatever dude.

school

my wonderful school. i am here now. i wish i had the balls to go in the bathroom and slit my wrists and come out squirting blood into peoples faces. but i don't so i won't. i want to be at home drinking a lowenbreau (spelling) watching baseball or playing my guitar or chillin' with homies smoking pot and blowin' up spots. the craziest thing is - i am at a computer school where six months in i have learned more about computers than i did in the ten years i had one before i came. i fucking hate computers. i think they are ruining us...styx said it best.

the problems plain to see

too much technology

machines to save our lives

machines dehumanize

but what are you gonna do... its fun. i am enjoying learning this stuff, but more importantly, it is fun thinking that i am learning a skill that i will be able to do anywhere in the country. this is my focus. this is what keeps me going and keeps me having a 3.78 GPA....yeah, some of ya are thinking "thats not that great, dickhead." But it is for me. so, now i will go to my class and learn. peace