Thursday, September 01, 2005

We all have our own story of Bourbon St.

I've been to New Orleans...
My band was on tour and we were supposed to play a show in Mississippi but the girl who set it up flaked on us. I never wanted to go to freakin Mississippi anyway. In my personal opinion, Mississippi and Alabama are the worst places on the planet. I never ever wanted to go when the chick told us that the show wasn't happenin (she just said there was a show so that our guitarist would come there and bone her, and we know this for sure) I said,"so, on to Bourbon St." I was really happy when everyone said," hell yeah, lets see some tits!" we were 5 dudes spending 24 hrs. a day in a cramped Yukon for a week at that point, what do you expect?

We pulled into New Orleans thinking it would be dead being that it was the middle of the week and the middle of July. We walked from our hotel, the Holiday Inn, to Bourbon. That was a scary doubt....The lady at the front desk even told us to take a cab.....and thought we were crazy white boys for wanting to walk there. not cuz it was too far cuz it was only a couple of blocks...but because it is such a dangerous city after dark. Especially for tourists.

So we walk anyway. See the scary people and don't even blink. We walked by a large group of these people without incident and thought "everything is good." Then we turned the corner off of Canal St. and saw her...Bourbon St. and all her glory and much to our satisfaction, it was crazy party time. Our eyes lit up like a bunch of country bumpkins walking around in NYC for the first time. There was music and liquor pouring out of every place we walked by. It was so freaking loud and alive.

We start feeling hungry and decide to get some grub in 'ole Emiril Lagasse's place. We ate great and decided it was now time to get really shitfaced. The first bar we see has a bunch of bare tittied college chicks runnin round screaming about how drunk they were and knew that that would be our first stop. We asked for shots and got test tubes. It didnt look like a lot of alcohol but damn, did it ever mess us up. Feeling good we continued on to another bar and then another. With our money starting to run low we decide to do what we came here to do...see boobies.

As either you know or can imagine, there are a lot of places to choose from. We eyed this one place that had scantily clad ladies on a balcony tossing beads down with a one free beer ticket attached. It was a no brainer...that was our place and what a place it was.

We walked in and it was really dark and really loud. We walked in like we owned the place. Like our cocks were the biggest on the planet and these girls were going to fall at our reality we probably looked like the biggest dorks that ever walked into the place. The atmosphere was amazing. The perfect tittie bar...just enough grime, just enough class, and one free beer.

We sat at this table that was at the front of the stage and had a pole right there. So hot. One of the guys saw an Asian chick dancing when we first came in and asked her to come over and my bandmate jay a really "up close and personal dance" at the table. We had no idea he was going to do that so when she came over and climbed onto our table and put her ass in the air like 10 inches from jay's face (and mine cuz I was sitting right next to him,thankfully) we were really shocked. Don't know what we thought would happen there....duh.

Eventually we drink all of our cash away have tipped our asses off to see boobies, so we were about to call it quits...

Right as we were getting up a group of the "talent" came to our table and sat with us. It was boners galore...what were these chicks doing we thought....we gets to talking and next thing I know one of them is asking what we were doing in town and the someone responds," we're a might have heard of us we are called third eye blind." the dancers totally buy it and start asking us for coke (not the soft drink) and weed and asking if they can come to our hotel. we played with em for a while and almost had come with us....but then they woulda saw we were full of it so we decided to quit while we were ahead.

We walked back to our hotel completely destroyed financially and totally drunk...we got lost...our 15 minute walk took 2 do you get lost on foot when you only have to make one left turn I will never know. we got back to the hotel room and trashed it.... I have video footage of that night that I will never let my kids see, that's for damn sure.

the next morning, we got up...went to a bagel place and then went on our way....but the one city that defined that entire tour, and in a lot of ways, that whole band experience, was New Orleans. Theres a certain magic there that can't be faked or replicated....If you haven't been there I feel bad for you....its a great place.... if you have been you know exactly what I am talking about and probably have your own crazy story of New Orleans.

It sucks this happened.

p.s. i was wasted when i wrote this so sue me if it goes to fast.


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